How to survive an alien invasion

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Ever since the Crimea region of Ukraine was invaded annexed by Russia in 2014, most of the Baltic States, former members of the defunct Soviet Union have been on high alert for fear of such happening to them. Some have resorted to making survival training mandatory for communities along the Russian border and making it mandatory for their citizens to learn survival skills and distributing survival manuals for everyone. Better to be prepared than caught unawares.

Closer to home, several communities have been invaded in the past few weeks with such ferocious and brutal attacks that have left countless dead and missing. Those charged with being responsible for safeguarding lives and properties have responded in their usual irresponsible manner. That to a Nigeria should no longer come as a surprise. As far as this land is concerned, you are on your own.

What did catch my attention was the assertion by the governor of the state that faced the brunt of this crisis was to lay the blame at the doorstep of foreign (invaders from beyond his state borders as well as their compatriots from outside our national borders (having alien nationalities). This makes it imperative for us to also have our own invasion survival guides in our dear country. One could think of these so called foreigners as aliens, in the sense that they not only find our way of life alien but also have the goal of supplanting the existing way of life with their own civilization or lack of it, depending on what side of the divide you view things.

Whenever one thinks of the word ‘aliens’, one’s mind immediately imagines some malevolent extraterrestrial travellers who have voyaged across the vast expanse of the fringes of space to invade earth and colonize its occupants. I have rarely come across any book or movie that pictures aliens as friendlies. Therefore, given that the invaders who ran over these communities were alien to that region, I find there are transferable comparisons between both to learn some things, especially because hypothetical invasions of earth by extraterrestrial beings have been subjects of intense research in the world of national defense.

So how do you survive an alien invasion?. First of all, you have got to be able to identify and know the enemy. You can’t survive what you don’t understand or see coming, neither can you defend yourself against a threat you don’t know. In many possible scenarios that I have seen, alien invasions are usually stealthy, gradual. And then a day comes when seemingly out of nowhere they rise up and take over (think transformers). Some of the aliens might peradventure already be living nearby (think Transformers again) and you might even know some of them without realizing they are aliens (far-fetched I would say but possible). Aliens will usually be hiding in plain sight looking very benign and harmless (once more, think transformers and War of the worlds).

They would have professions such as being herdsmen. Who would ever think someone who rears cattle would need a gun or machete to do that? . That is a fatal mistake if you think so. They are herdsmen but they herd humans en masse into the grave.

You have been warned. Next time you are at the meat shop, take a moment of silence to remember those fellow humans who suffered a similar fate as the beef lying before you. That I hope should be enough to make you a vegetarian. Once you are have a good grasp and comprehend the threat you face, then you can think of surviving an alien attack that will happen sooner rather than later.

A very critical lesson you need to learn is to realize you are on your own. No one is coming to help and there is no on waiting at the other of the line to pick up when you dial. Therefore, you have got your life in your own hands. Help is coming from nowhere. It might also help to visualize a zombie apocalypse to make you realize how dire such a situation will be in reality (you’ve also got walking dead to give you some ideas). It is also important not to ever think of reaching out to the government or any of its often ‘good for nothing ‘ security agencies. They never show up (well, they sometimes do several hours after everyone is dead), and for those who know their alien movies, the government usually gets wiped out first before any alien attack anyway, or in some cases is infiltrated already preceding the all-out attack. The aliens have most likely stealthily shape-shifted or made good use of props to access and compromise the ranks of the branches of government and security agencies.

During an alien attack, never trust anyone who looks, smells or acts like government, wears a government uniform or waves a government badge in your face. In all likelihood, they might be out to kill you, and usually they are (you can think of the movie series title 5th wave). In many scenarios, you can be certain they have already taken over behind the scenes and installed a proxy as a figurehead leader who does as he is bid. In some extreme cases, the proxy may not even know he is a proxy and is being used as a patsy in a game more deadly then he realizes. The tested way to know this is that after the gruesome massacre of many of the citizens, all you hear is a deafening silence from the government. When that happens, you need to realize the government has been compromised. Essentially, the government leader is useless and in no position to help himself, not to mention anyone else. (Think of the movie series Colony)

Another important thing to note is that it is probably in every possible scenario impossible to negotiate with the aliens. Their planet was probably destroyed in an internal warfare (probably happened many years ago and turned their planet into a desert) that destroyed most of them and now they are seeking a new home. They might also have some pets (examples include cattle) that have more value to them than the life of the occupants of the land being invaded. Unfortunately, your land looks very promising but the space isn’t big enough for everyone, so they have to make space (think Transformers Part 1-3). That means you gone, permanently. Moreover, its likely you cannot communicate with them because they speak a strange language you don’t understand and view any attempt to try to speak to them or have a reasonable negotiation as a threat, so you get a laser saber to your skull (or in Nigeria’s case, slaughtered with a machete or shot with an AK47). In rare cases, they might pretend to come to the negotiating table but will either ambush you there and kill you, or keep the peace for a while until you become lethargic and they spring a surprise attack in the middle of a fateful night.

Finally, surviving an alien invasion requires having survival skills. You must be good at hiding and fleeing at short notice. You should also have a good store of food to last you a considerable time. It also helps to have a good knowledge of the layout of your town so you know the fastest routes to escape, or if all known exists get blocked off, unknown routes as well. God help you if the aliens have a good or better lay of the land than you do.

It is however obvious that your survival chances are very slim if your only plan is to survive. Aliens are not known to be great at living peaceably long term with local residents. The difference in civilizations is probably too extreme. You might want to consider joining the resistance and signing up to a local militia to defend yourself continuously. I am a die-hard pacifist, but I would give anyone a free pass when it comes to choosing between defending one’s self or ending up as slave labor for the invading alien overlords or worse, getting butchered because you are in the way.

I wouldn’t wish anyone to live through this sort of alien invasion but the social scientists have agreed it is unlikely we avoid this occurrence, and considering that the plan of the government is not to have a plan to defend its territory or its citizens from killers crawling in under cover of night to butcher harmless civilians, you may consider this a useful manual to have in the event of the next alien invasion wave ahead. And you have to believe me, it is coming, it is just a matter of time.


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